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Blue Collar Girl Living In a White Collar World

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve always been sort of mercurial in all aspects of my life. Growing up was, of course, difficult —who doesn’t have a hard time going through adolescence? —due to the fact that I experienced such extreme moodiness from about age eight until twenty-two, and had a pretty sassy personality to boot.

As a Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius, I am just whimsical enough to put stock in my horoscope, while also being scientific enough to feel skeptical of its merits. I believe in black and white facts, but also totally understand the in-between, miraculous things. I am organized to a fault, while piles of laundry get thrown on top of my dresser and my car is a disgusting mess. I’m extremely strict about some things, and totally chill about others. It may seem like there’s no rhyme or reason for the things I do, but I promise you nothing is arbitrary.

I studied religion in college, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone less religious than I am.

Now in the working world, it seems I’ve continued this pattern of apparent duality, as I work in a pretty old-fashioned industry, but my clients are all very modern and tech-y. I love the rules and data-driven part of my job, but need this creative outlet in writing to keep me going. My friends are both white collar executives and blue collar construction workers, with a whole lot of creatives thrown in. My peeps are 50/50 on the blue versus white collar spectrum, and I feel at ease in both worlds.

Life is about balance, you know? I still struggle with finding it sometimes; I think it’s human nature to want to pick a label for ourselves, to simplify who we are. Some days I want to be strict, proper and organized, and others, I want to just be an artsy hippie who doesn’t care about rules or money. Ultimately, I have to settle for something in between the two, and I guess that’s okay.

Do you ever feel torn between two words? Tell me about it!

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goals · writing

Craving Creativity

I used to consider myself a creative person. I spent my weekends in high school stretching out my hamstrings on the living room floor while watching movies in French and Italian (with. out. subtitles.) and reading any book by a female author before 1800 that I could get my hands on. I actively sought out things that exercised my right brain.

And now? I go to work. I work very hard and think a lot, but it’s about law and insurance and reading contracts and understanding what the heck my clients do. I come home. Don’t get me wrong, my job exercises that type A part of me that wants things to be organized and fast-paced and stimulating in the left-brainy way, and I really enjoy what I do. It’s weird for people NOT in my industry to hear me say things like “I really love insurance!” but I do. It’s a great industry to be in with a lot of good people, and I work for an amazing company who values their employees and takes pretty good care of them.

BUT. I can’t help always feeling like I’m letting that creative part of my brain wither away over the years. That’s what hobbies are for, I hear you saying. But I’m lazy and about to have a lot less time for myself because I am growing a little human who is going to flip my world upside down and take up every spare moment I have outside of work. I wish I could work in two departments at once – oh please boss? Won’t you let me write colorful words for you on Mondays and Tuesdays in Media/Marketing, and then handle my 400 emails Wednesday through Friday? Actually, while we’re at it, how about you just give me Fridays off so I have time to just be my diva self and go to farmer’s markets with my kid?

Ok guys, rant over. I must go supervise the ceiling progress.