I keep thinking about what a bummer it is that loving Fall and yoga pants equates to being a basic bitch. Because I love yoga pants. And I Really. Love. Fall.
To me, that first day of slightly cooler weather that follows the final heatwave of the summer is like a holiday on its own. I saw this comic the other day that pretty much sums up the way I feel the second the temperature drops below 80. I feel a tingle of excitement and all the energy I’ve saved up through the summer laying g around bemoaning the heat starts to spark up inside me again.
Pumpkins! Cinnamon! Leaves! Sweaters! No more shaving! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE FALL?!?
The change in season always kind of brings me to reflect on the past eight months or so. Another year almost done? How did I do? Am I heading in the right direction? Am I being the person I want to be or taking steps to get there? It’s a time to slow down a bit and focus on cozying up our home, reading more, burning candles, celebrating family and eating carbs.
Since Charlie’s a little older I am SO looking forward to picking pumpkins, Halloween costumes, learning about menorahs and Santa and all the yummy foods that were choking hazards last year.
Now, to convince Matt to watch Hocus Pocus with me…
I found this wonderful little gem in my drafts today. It was a much needed pick me up, reading through my old thoughts from before Charlie was born! I almost forgot we even called him “Bdub” before he was born, haha. For the first month he was here, I kept almost calling him our little nickname for him; now he’s definitely Charlie!
I can’t believe we are just a few short weeks away from finally meeting you! I have pictured our first minutes together (and millions of minutes after) so many times, and your father and I are counting down the days until we can kiss your sweet face, hold you on our chests, and look into your wonderful little (and inevitably blue) eyes. I have dreamed of your tiny fingers wrapped around my own, and the wrinkly little toes and feet which are destined to patter up and down our hallway.
I think you are almost ready to come into the world, these days. Just this week I panicked once again as you slept for most of the day in my tummy, rather than stretching and kicking gently as you normally do while we sit in the swively chair at work. Momma has had a hard time not worrying about your well-being since the second we knew we were pregnant with you. It’s normal, I think for a first time mom, but I know I’ll forever worry about your happiness and health; a task I willingly take on as your mother.
I promise to always love you more than words can say. You are already the light of my life, and I am already proud of you for everything you’ve done and have yet to accomplish. I promise to always love you for exactly who you are – no changes, improvements, or tweaks to be made. You are perfect exactly as you are.
Some years I am better than others at looking back through the prior twelve months and making observations. I created this space to do more of that, so here goes!
2015 feels like it started back in September 2014, when Matt and I were married. That felt like the most significant new beginning to me last year, so my year absolutely began on a high note. The man of my dreams was now permanently stuck with me no matter how bitchy or annoying I become (I do try not to take advantage), an opportunity opened up which allowed us to finally move into our first real home, debts were paid off, home improvements were begun, and all of a sudden, it was the end of another year. What a crazy fast year 2015 was!
So many changes occurred for the better, both physically and emotionally for me. My job had become a huge source of stress for a few months in the first half of the year, but I pushed through and made it to other side only slightly the worse for wear. Not that hard times ever feel awesome, but somehow going through six or so months of agonizing stress and depression which bled from working hours into my evenings and weekends landed me here, and I’m pretty grateful to be where I am now.
This past year, something changed in me and turned me into a parent; emotionally I mean. I told Matt that I could no longer fight the feeling that I needed to become a mother – a pretty big surprise for both of us since my whole life was pretty much centered around the idea that I would never want to start a family of my own. We obviously talked about it and thought about it a lot before forging ahead, but it felt like a little soul had already chosen us as its parents and there wasn’t anything we could do except move forward in this new adventure. Overall, I think this was our biggest growth spurt, and so many other emotional changes have come out of it.
I already worry about how quickly time is moving; just a few weeks ago, I was camping out in the bathroom half the day and not pregnant enough where we wanted to tell everyone our happy news. Now, we are just a quick three months away from meeting our child for the first time. I actually cried one night picturing my son or daughter graduating from high school and asked myself where the heck time had gone and how am I already forty-six years old?! And then I have to remind myself once again to remain present and just focus on how wonderful this time is right now.
Here’s to another year of adventure and growth in 2016!