baby · holiday post · pregnancy · reflection

Reflecting

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Some years I am better than others at looking back through the prior twelve months and making observations. I created this space to do more of that, so here goes!

2015 feels like it started back in September 2014, when Matt and I were married. That felt like the most significant new beginning to me last year, so my year absolutely began on a high note. The man of my dreams was now permanently stuck with me no matter how bitchy or annoying I become (I do try not to take advantage), an opportunity opened up which allowed us to finally move into our first real home, debts were paid off, home improvements were begun, and all of a sudden, it was the end of another year. What a crazy fast year 2015 was!

So many changes occurred for the better, both physically and emotionally for me. My job had become a huge source of stress for a few months in the first half of the year, but I pushed through and made it to other side only slightly the worse for wear. Not that hard times ever feel awesome, but somehow going through six or so months of agonizing stress and depression which bled from working hours into my evenings and weekends landed me here, and I’m pretty grateful to be where I am now.

This past year, something changed in me and turned me into a parent; emotionally I mean. I told Matt that I could no longer fight the feeling that I needed to become a mother – a pretty big surprise for both of us since my whole life was pretty much centered around the idea that I would never want to start a family of my own. We obviously talked about it and thought about it a lot before forging ahead, but it felt like a little soul had already chosen us as its parents and there wasn’t anything we could do except move forward in this new adventure. Overall, I think this was our biggest growth spurt, and so many other emotional changes have come out of it.

I already worry about how quickly time is moving; just a few weeks ago, I was camping out in the bathroom half the day and not pregnant enough where we wanted to tell everyone our happy news. Now, we are just a quick three months away from meeting our child for the first time. I actually cried one night picturing my son or daughter graduating from high school and asked myself where the heck time had gone and how am I already forty-six years old?! And then I have to remind myself once again to remain present and just focus on how wonderful this time is right now.

Here’s to another year of adventure and growth in 2016!

 

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