holiday post · pregnancy

Christmas and 23 Weeks Pregnant

As a kid, I remember waiting for Christmas for what seemed like forever, and then mourning its passing with such sadness the following day. All that hype and all those songs and commercials leading up to such a fun day, only to have it all pulled out from underneath my little feet by December 26th. Sure, we had all our new stuff to play with and fight over with siblings, but the magic of the Christmas season was over. What I wouldn’t give now to be able to experience that crazy excitement again!

I remember realizing that adulthood was nigh when I could no longer make myself get that worked up over Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I very much look forward to this time of year still – I get excited over spending a cozy few days with my family, and watching them open their gifts that I picked for them in a panic approximately one week before Christmas. But the thought of Santa, cookies, presents, etc. just doesn’t make my adult self hysterically joyful the way it used to. I think they call it maturity, but it can be a small bummer sometimes.

Now that we’re expecting our first child though, I feel like I will be able to relive that excitement through my kids, and that certainly makes up for all the lame maturity I seem to have accumulated.

Now for a pregnancy update – did you know that simply believing that all those common pregnancy symptoms won’t affect you will not actually keep them from affecting you? I don’t know how I keep tricking myself into believing that I won’t get nauseous, cranky, swollen, sore, constipated, fat, etcetera. I have gotten all of those things, and each side effect I accumulate still surprises me.

The nausea subsided around week 17, and I finally felt that 2nd trimester greatness everyone kept telling me about. But now, only six weeks later and five whole weeks away from the 3rd trimester, I am starting to hurt in ways I didn’t know possible. The rib pain can be excruciating some nights, as my whatever pushes out on them relentlessly. The round ligament pain is more challenging than I thought it would be, and it is SO. HARD. TO. GET. OFF. THE. COUCH. Or bed. Or a chair. Or the floor. All of a sudden, I feel like the world’s clumsiest person ever, falling over as I treacherously attempt to stand on the couch to close the curtains, as I have done a hundred times before. I experienced a kidney stone for the first time in my life, and my back hurts so badly by the end of the day, but I can’t roll around on the floor with my foam roller or stretch the way I used to. Apparently I had some rose-colored glasses on when I thought about what my pregnant experience would be like.

I will say that feeling my baby move around inside my belly makes it all completely worth the pain and random irritation. Baby is moving almost all the time now, sometimes taking day or two long breaks to sleep and grow, I assume. Thumb-sucking and bladder jumping really takes it out of you! I like to lay down and “watch” him or her play, practice using their little limbs, and wonder what they are thinking about in there. I make promises to that baby, and tell him/her how loved they are going to be, how much fun we are going to have.

Overall, all the pain and stress really is worth it.

pregnancy

Wherein my doctor tells me to stop eating carbs

By this point, I have told everyone who would listen, that my OBGYN thinks I am fat and told me, at 20 weeks, after gaining a total of FIVE POUNDS that I should stop eating carbs and simply avoid putting on any more weight during my pregnancy. Basically she is telling me to gag down chicken and veggies for 6 meals a day and just be miserable.

When I flatly asked her if the depression this would cause outweighs the risk of being slightly more overweight, she looked at me confusedly until I laughed to show her I was joking. Because clearly, we just play jokes on each other now during prenatal appointments and she was actually saying “Good job on gaining only five pounds this whole time! No matter how much weight you put on, you are beautiful and your baby is going to be fine!”

So now when I go to eat something and genuinely think to myself, “no, I’ll swap out the fries for some steamed veggies” I end up getting mad and ordering the damn fries just to spite the OB/biotch.

After Christmas, I’ll forgive her.

letting go · pregnancy · Uncategorized

Anxiety, you asshole

 

The past couple of days have pretty been much a 180 from my happy place that I’ve been in lately. One thing I’ve been struggling with more since gaining a billion times the hormones, is anxiety. Like I said, I feel open and exposed to the cruelty of the world, and hearing about bad things on the news puts me in a bad place.

We lost more people to a mass shooting the other day in the town where I went to college. Friends who still live there were in the same apartment complex as the shooters, where that had pipe bombs and more ammo stored. Along with their six-month old child.

It feels like the world is in such a bad place right now, and it terrifies me having decided to bring a child into it. However, as my bestie reminded me yesterday, things happen when they do for a reason, and my child will cope with the bad things the same way we did growing up. All we can do is live our lives the best we can and focus on our own little corner of the world. There’s no point in being scared to leave the house. And right now especially, I can’t be stressed about everything because as I learned yesterday it leads to sciatic pain and false contractions. Going into panic mode for two days definitely doesn’t do anyone any good, especially poor Bdub, who has no say in the matter. I felt a lot of little kicks yesterday as if to tell me to knock it the heck off and just take a nap.

Well, sleep I did and my back and brain feel a hundred times better today! I am going to the baby shower for my best friend since 1st grade, and am so excited to see her and her family. Our children will be born only two months apart!

Anyway, focus on gratitude my friends, and if it all gets to be too much and your chest hurts so bad you feel like you will die, remember to just chill out and focus on your breath (focusing on the good does nothing for me in the midst of a panic attack, it is a time to think smaller). Today we begin anew.